Fiction: Muse

The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited.”

-stephen king

Though not all of us is an artist, we all need to be in touch with a muse that teases our sense of wonder and built our crave to life’s next adventure.

Up till now my life is a constant search of a muse. I sometime try  found a muse in a sound. How could i say, I am audial, some particular sound is like a treat to my ears. I like the chopping sound from a cutting board or a sound of dancing finger on qwerty.

Then I search my muse in a smell. An familiar smell that i can sense each morning everytime i open my eyes. It can be the smell of freshly brewed coffee that sneak up into my bed room or the smell of grass with a hint of morning dew. Or call me crazy, but petichor is my favorite.

But eventually, i found my muse as a person. Not a woman like how muse usually described in every literature for centuries. He is a guy that every gesture of him tease my sense of creativity . The sound and smell that used to be my muse, he creates them for me this time.I called him muse-guy, which make him grin when i called him so.  He isn’t much conversationalist. He always just sit there doing nothing, pretend to ignore me – one who continue scratching pen on those paper while stealing glance of him ocassionaly. 

He is my muse guy -my source of inspiration.

He come uninvited.

He leave unnoticed.


Fiction : Not A Pair

It was a nice cozy restaurant in the downtown. It’s a quite fancy restaurant, i guess- looking at the menu which show a quite number of dollar for a pair of steak or bottle of good booze. I probably wouldn’t  want spent a dime here if its not a free dinner  voucher provide by the firm for what i’ve done for them this year. So here i am ordering the most fancy wine i can order and some french food with a name i even  cannot pronounce. while waiting for my date to come,  i continue taping my finger at the table nervously. It’s not like first time for me to have dinner date, but it probably the first time for quite significant period of time. I  actually don’t even sure if i can call him my date tonight. He is an intern in my firm – 5 years younger than me. We got really close lately and i know he kind of fancy me. Nope, its not like a romantic attraction,  yet it’s more like junior to senior’s respect I guess. Us it’s completely platonic.  That’s might be one of the reason why i ask him out when i got this free not-so-romantic dinner.

He is a bit late when i saw him enter the restaurant, panting. It’s traffic out there, i guess. I wave my hand to let him know where i sit, he saw me and give a sign to the waiter who just about to ask him whether he has made a reservation . He come to me as with a big bucket of white flower in his hand. Roses – well at least he god a good sense.

” congratulation, I know you’ll make it ,” he said with a big grin.

“thanks, I’m glad you  can make it. Have a seat,” I said, ” I hope you don’t mind, I have placed an order for you”

“Nah it’s my fault to come late. Few, It’s crazy traffic out there. I accept anything free tonight,” he winked.

I hate to admit it but i flustered for a moment. He looks fine in his suit, pretty much different with the usual him at i saw in the office, not a final year intern in faded jeans and sneaker. Now,  I am quite glad that put on my best little black dress and touch up my face with make up that i got from my mom for christmas.

“You’re so impressive” he adds, “Indepedent, strong, and corgrats for tge promotion”

I giggled, ” you’re just being  kind really.  That is the only thing i can do”

” but not everyone make it this far, right? “He said, ” I am not”

“They’ll hire you permanently. Richard told me this morning,” I take my wine glass for a toast,”Congratulation to you too then”

“This night is about you not me. So how should you i serve you tonight, milady ?”

I laughed again,”The waiter will serve us, you don’t have to. But if you insist, you can start pour me another glass of wine”

“My pleasure”

We both laughed.

“i can’t believe you spent a night like this with me” He add ” You should find someone special soon”

i rolled my eyes,”That’s your benefit then. At least you got a free dinner”

“I guess” He grinned, “But that because you never really search for someone. I mean look at you,”

” Did I mention that you’re impressive ?” He adds

” Twice tonight, A couples everyday, And hundreds since i know you”

” Wow, you keeping track” He smiled, ” I should’ve known that”

” I am good at numbers” I laughed ” But yeah.. you know there is  a distinct  differences between looked impressive and pretty right? And most of the time you know what they’ll choose”

” why don’t you just search someone who prefer to see you look impressive than pretty then”

” Ya.. let me know if that kind of guy do exit,” I silent looking at my reflection through wine glass. sparkling,  reflecting my one blue eye that was left since that accident two years ago. one. not a pair.

Back From Neverland

” Is that it, pete ?” she said when they finally arrived at the place she familiar with, ” Is it a goodbye? ”

“you knew i can’t leave neverland,”

“But i like it there,” She mumbled

“I know” He smiled whilst pat her head gently

“Don’t do that, I am older than you,” she  pouted her lips.

“Technically yes, ” He giggled

“Do you know, Pete?” She asked, her eyes fixed into a big house in front of them, “you did know why i don’t want to leave neverland, didn’t you ?”

“Why? don’t you miss home ?” He asked back instead of answering.

They both standing there at the lawn of a suburban house where they first met. The old willow tree ‘s branches keep knocking the window of the room at second floor. It’s indeed a windy night. The both looking at that window  where they first met. It start become nostalgic, the silhouette of a boy by the moonlight sitting at that window and a brown haired girl with freckles in her cheek in her favorite night gown peeking below her blanket.

” It’s just scary world out here, Pete ” She mourned desperately.

” The world is scary, Wen. Even in neverland,” He assured her, “Believe me you won’t want spent a life time being chased by nutcase pirate,”

Wendy laugh a bit. maybe it’s the first time she laughed that evening

“So , are ready for going home?” he offer his hand to her “Shall we?”

” We shall” she reach out his hand.

Peter smiled. They both start floating in the air, hand in hand  for the last time. Peter guide her to the second floor window, unlocked just like when they left it. Peter make sure Wendy land smoothly in her room before  he perched by the window. Wendy stumbled a bit  but she quickly found her balanced.

” I though you already expert on landing after those fairy dust training”

” I also tough i am,”  She grinned, “I probably  need more practices”

” You don’t need to fly here, Wen”

“I guess i am,”  She frowned

“So good bye, Wen” He start floating into the air, “It’s really a pleasure to know you. I really am”

“Good bye, Pete” She whispered watching her best friend drift away to the moon. She look at the window until she finally lose him from her sight. She stand there for few minutes  until she decide to crawl to her bed, letting the window open. The curtain continue flowing a few times as the night wind slowly entering the room. Wendy shrugged herself below the blanket,  pretending to be asleep so neither of her parents knew what happen to her tonight.

That’s why when ms. darling check her out just like she would do every other day, she has no clue that tonight is special. She just gently close the window so her daughter wouldn’t get sick at that cold night, not knowing that its her daugther itself who let it open. She caress her hair and give her forehead a good night kiss. Mrs Darling look at her daugther sleeping’s face and whispered, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’

Wendy kept her eyes closed continue pretending to be a sleep .  Nevertheless, for none who knew. She hated peter pan with all her heart for him who never grew up. It is more an envy than a hate. if she could exchange those fairy dust with the ability to stop the time, she would. Henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up..

even she didn’t want to.



– Shamelessly  take some dialog from  Finding Neverland (J.M. Barrie), and for you that might haven’t notice, yes that also where the characters in this fiction from.

FICTION : Car Without Brake

Should we stop?

Stop what?

You know, us meeting each other.

I can’t do  that.
So what do you want?

Is it working?



Us. Being friend.


You know that i tried to make it works, right?

i know.


But you don’t.

Is that why you are angry?


No. i am not.

Yes, you are.


I am not. I don’t care you believe me or not.

Don’t be mad.


You make me. 

Then, What is it about?


I am just…  tired.

me too


Therefor i told you we should stop

You know i can’t.


You’re being selfish.

I know.


You don’t even like me.

I like you.


Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.

I do. I really do.


I don’t believe you. And probably never will.

You know that you are special.


Not special enough.

Are  we having this conversation again?


You brought this up.



Let’s stay friend



Please say something


what do you even expect me to say?

you don’t want it?


Want  what?

Us being friends.


Is that what you what you want?

For now,  maybe


You know that you are being selfish again, right?

I know. I am sorry.





Just until we meet someone that belong to us.

Just until we meet someone that belong to us.


Then they will asked us to stop.

They will.






We will stop eventually, right ?



What if we won’t ?

let’s not make things complicated.


Us is already complicated.


you know?



It will be easier if i can hate you.


Maybe.. not..

In Response : Daily prompt  Too Soon?

a black sedan car move in 50km/h through the nightstreet in jakarta. Pretty slow you might be think, but if you know how crazy the trafic this city is. You’ll probably won’t think so. That pretty much normal at this hour,especially at saturday night. The clock showing exactly 10pm while a guy and a girl both seating in the back seat of that sedan car. Both doesn’t look tired at all eventough that the night start becoming late and cold

“I have fun to day”say the guy breaking up the silence.

” i did too,” she put her head, leaning to the window,-which probably the only thing she can lean to right now, ocassionaly looking at the street light. She can hear a car honk few times which makes her wonder why the street is still busy at this time. But she don’t even borther, she lived in the city which has population way much more than it should’ve. That’s already shoud be

“I really hope we hang out very often” he said again.

this time she nodded as an answer. her head still leaning in a car window. she move a bit trying to find a most comfortable position she could have.

“Do you have a boyfriend right now?”

She look up at him in instant. that’s totally not a question she expect she will got on the way home from second date, not to mention at backseat of  a car.

” i don’t. Why do you asked?” She asked eventhough she knows where exact its going.

“I think i like you. Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

She stunned. So is it a confession now a day? are we all say goodbye to a good nice restaurant, roses, chocolates or those things they used to do in the old times?

She glanced at him. He still looking at her, waiting for an answer. She even doesn’t bother trying to figure out what’s on his head.She alread had her own battle in her head. Doesn’t it all she want all this time? she asked her self. She has tried years in most possible way she could to make a specific someone threw this question to her which eventualy he did not. Now when the exact question threw to her for someone he barely even know, she start questioning herself what exactly she want. A relationship?  a companion? a partner or that specific someone maybe?

“is it an confession?” she decided to asked him rather than spending more time with random guess. Also probably she really doesn’t need to add more question in her head righ tnow.

“i guess it is. ”

“But you don’t know me yet right? How do you know you like me?”

“I don’t know I just did”

“I can learn to know you from now on” He quickly add.

a long silence. the car turning into the small road that the both familiar with. They realize they’ll arrive to destination soon.


She look at him, “Don’t you think its a bit….. well.. to soon?”

The car stop, in front of the place that she recognized as home. She sat there, didn’t move an inches.

“See you later then?” He smiled.

“yah.. see you later” She smiled back.



Hey, I like you too..


Maybe not..



  1. coming before all others in time or order; earliest; 1st.
  2. foremost in position, rank, or importance.

first, words that often be mistaken to be something special. Everyone memorize their first and love to be the first.  Are you one of the?do you think  ‘first’ as one special word?

if  your answer is a yes. let me tell you a story about her.

but yes, we will not talking about rank or position here. We all know that she often be one due her perfectionist nature, old news. I’ll tell you a story that everyone love. Romance, debatablely the most popular genre through the years.

First Love.

She met her first love in the most ordinary way possible, School. Aren’t we all? ( Yeah.. i know some of you in the back shouting ‘neighborhood, playground, etc’ right now. But well yeah.. let’s just agree first, okay?).

he is remarkably the most handsome guy in class. The smartest one also probably.

that things the she remember the most of him. Don’t blame her. what do you expect for 12 years old girl’s memory. But at least she remember few small details about him. his laugh, the way he tie his shoes, cake he like the most, and other small things she liked  about him.

yet it remains unreqruited. she got a friendship with a hint of rivalry instead.

Don’t pity her, really. She is not sad. they are indeed a really good friend.

After all it’s just human’s attraction that she mistaken for love just because she is young soul at that time, inexperienced.

By then She graduated, grew up, move on.


So few years later, when she bump to him in the street -looking as handsome as she can remember. They simply change  an “hi!” , catching up with each other life.

She gladly recognize him as his first love.

nothing more. nothing less.

First Kiss.

It happens years after her first love with someone she thought she  love.  Again, don’t blame her. She is conservative.

Blame the situation,

Blame the timing,

Blame the chemistry,

So when he look her in eyes, slowly become closer trying to kiss her. she let him.

an akward first kiss. leaving them both confused with the same old question that left unanswered. Where will it go after this?

after all it’s just a mere  contact between human’s skin. it can’t fix anything.

So when they meet again few week later, exchanging an “hi!”, like nothing ever happen.

She gladly recognize him as his first kiss, nothing more, nothing less.



coming before all others in time or order.

Memorable?  maybe yes.

Special? maybe not.


So if your first happen to be special or even become your last, lucky you. Unfortunately, She doesn’t have that privilage.







She looked on the hot sand between her toes as she walked faster trying to catch up with him. The sea breeze played with her blonde hair. It brought the smell of ocean as telling her its summer already.

“Do u wants to take a rest?” He said.
Make her realize that they already walked far along the coast. So she nod.
He used his shirt to make an emergency carpet so she can sit on the sand, leaving him with one white singlet that already wet with sweat.
They sat there, try to take seconds of their life to enjoy Mother Nature.

The girl closed her eyes, trying to enjoy the beach in her way.  She can smell the sweet aroma of salt mixed with other sea mineral everywhere, along with warm sunlight that they have been missed during winter. She lean her head to him which instantly release the burden of her shoulder. He looked at her for a while, gazing at those greenish eyes  of her, then go back gazing to the horizon and empty beach. It was just two of them.

“When is the sunset?” The girl suddenly said
He look at his watch for a while, “5 hours more”
“Well,  at least we have plenty of time,”

“Did you hear that?” She said
“Hear what?” He said
“Try to listen”


He closed his eyes, tried to listen to any voice that might be there.
He try again.

” i can’t hear anything, ” he said looked very confused.

The girl smiled. Brush her hair once and move a bit to make her position more comfortable. Still leaning to him.

They sit there for a while, or maybe more than a while.

“Listen! It come again,”

‘Blup.. blup’

” what?”

“Bubble.. the sound of bursting bubble,”
The girl say start to get annoyed because he doesn’t hear the same sound as her.


” hear!”

The guy just smile. Stroke her hair with his hand and put in his hand in her shoulder.
“It might just your imagination”

‘Blup.. blup..’

” no, it wasn’t,” the girl start to give up to convince the guy about the bubble sound. She snuggle herself in his hug and start to become very sleepy.

The orange light start to cover them leaving shadow mark on the sand.


“You must be like sunset, you come here everyday” said one old man who just arrived that beach. Standing near their spot.
He actually lazy to answer but he stand, as a gesture of respect.

“So do you”
“Not me, but fluf who like it”
The old main said while pointing to a old bull dog near him, ” but basically. You must be like it more than him, you come here almost everyday”

The guys smiled as an answer.

” do u come here alone?”

The guy look far to the ocean.
” sadly, yes”

‘Blup.. blup..’

You should go here with some one.. the view here is to beautiful to be enjoyed alone”

The wind start to blew once again. Make that empty beach become a little bit colder.

” i can’t agree more, but what can i do”
He said gazing far to the ocean.


Little mermaid, burst in bubble because she was forgotten.
So just for once. I want her to be missed.